How to work smart!

An old man who lived in Idaho wanted to hoe his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. He wrote a letter to the boy and described his predicament.

Dear son,
I'm feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I am just getting too old to be digging up the garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you will dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.

Love, Son

The next morning, at four, FBI agents and the local police showed up at the old man's house and dug up the entire garden. They found nothing, apologized, and left.
The same day, he received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do, under this circumstances.

Love,Son

Jokes of the day

Who is stupid?
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one. "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid. If you don't believe me I'll show you."

He called his driver Ah Beng over and said, "Ah Beng, here is a $10 note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes".

To which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and rushed off to the Showroom.

The rich man then turned to his friend and said, “See, I told you he was stupid."

The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home."

To which Ali said, "Yes Sir! Right away,Sir!" and ran home.

“See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooooooo stupid. He gave me $10 and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!"

Ali replied, "You think your boss is stupid? My boss even worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home... He got handphone what, he can just call up to check lah, stupid!!!"

CAR
Beng and Seng excited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake,
Beng asked, 'Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it.'

'No, that won't work' answered Seng. 'People will think we're trying to break in.'

Then Beng suggested, 'What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?'

'No,' said Seng. 'People will think we're too dumb not to use a coat hanger.'

The exciting Beng shouted, 'we'd better think of something fast.
It's starting to rain and the sunroof is open!'

PIZZA
Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if she should cut it in six or twelve pieces. Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

DEAD BIRD
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Ah Beng looked skyward and said "Where, Where got?"

NOT MY BROTHER!
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name!

Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, DeNephew.

ITALIAN
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered.

"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."

Fax to Wife and Reply

A businessman sends his wife a fax:

"To my dear wife:You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you at 54 years can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary in the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight."

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining-room table: "My dear husband: I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be in the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation... although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 into 18... And therefore I won't be back before lunchtime tomorrow !

Vanilla Pudding Robbery

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl o f vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold.

Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.

The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND 'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING...

Saving up for 75 years!

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling analligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"

Fart

Something about fart... !

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from!