Curtains

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains".
! The salesman assures her that they have a large of selection pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing.
! ! Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. ! ! ! The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
! "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small - what room are they for?" ! !

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, but they are for her computer monitor. ! ! ! The surprised salesman replies, "But miss, computers do not need curtains !"

The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo! I've got Windoooooows!"

中風辨識要訣

有個朋友，在一次烤肉聚會當中絆倒了，摔了一跤， 旁邊的朋友建議找醫護人員，但她很確定自己沒事， 只是穿了新鞋被磚塊拌了一下罷了。瑛格莉還有點危危顫顫站立不穩的時候，朋友們幫她 清洗乾淨，又為她盛了一盤新的食物，然後她就跟著 大家一起享受接下來的時光了。瑛格莉的先生後來打電話通知大家，他的太太被送到醫院， 傍晚六點，瑛格莉就過世了，原因是她在烤肉聚餐的時候中風。

如果他們懂得辨識中風的癥兆，瑛格莉現在也許還跟我們在一起。 有些人不會死，但結局是處於無助無望的景況中。 只需要花一分鐘的時間讀完這篇文章，神經科醫師說， 如果他能在三小時之內接觸到中風患者，他就可以將中 風的後果完全扭轉過來。 訣竅就是辨識診斷出中風的問題，並讓病患在三小時之內 接受醫療，而這是很難的。

辨識中風

請我們記住STR三步驟，請閱讀並學習!

有時候中風的癥兆很難辨認，不幸的是，缺乏警覺就會帶 來災難。身邊的人辨認不出中風的徵兆，中風患者就會造 成嚴重的腦傷。 醫生說，旁邊的人只要問三個簡單的問題，就可以辨識中風：

S：(smile) 要求患者笑一下

T：(talk)要求患者說一句簡單的句子（要有條理，有連慣性） 　　例如：今天天氣晴朗。

R：(raise)要求患者舉起雙手

注意：另外一項中風癥兆是： 要求患者伸出舌頭，如果舌頭是「彎曲」的，如果舌頭偏向一邊， 那也是中風的癥兆。

上面四個動作，患者如果有任何一個動作做不來，就要立刻打119！！！ 並且把症狀描述給接線員聽。

分享。。。

躲避，不一定躲得过
面对，不一定最难受
孤单，不一定不快乐
得到，不一定能长久
失去，不一定不再有
转身，不一定最软弱
别急著说好无选泽
别以为世上只有对与错
许多事情的答案都不是只有一个
所以我们永远有路可以走
你能找个理由难过
也一定能找到快乐
懂得放心的人 找到轻松
懂得遗忘的人 找到自由
懂得关怀的人 找到朋友

Real Life Strange Encounter In A Singapore Hospital

Tere was this case in this Hospital's Intensive Care Ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings, regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. Why the death, at that same bed, on Fridays? So the doctors decide to go down to that particular Ward to investigate the cause of the incidents....

Come Friday morning, everyone at the Hospital Ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new unknowing patient laid there....

Some Doctors holding Wooden Crosses, Prayer Books and other Holy objects to ward off evil... waiting... the patient was resting still.

Then 8am... 8:30am...>>Just before the 'cursed' time... the door to the Ward swung open...

Scroll Down



Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.

Be strong, honey, I love you

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.

As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom Be strong, honey, I love you, too.

猪的方程式。。

人=吃饭+睡觉+上班+玩,
猪=吃饭+ 睡觉,
代入:人=猪+上班+玩,
即:人-玩=猪+上班.
结论:不懂玩的人=会上班的猪

男人=吃饭+ 睡觉+挣钱
猪=吃饭+ 睡觉
男人=猪+挣钱
猪=男人-挣钱
所以男人不挣钱等于猪。

女人=吃饭+ 睡觉+花钱。
猪 =吃饭+ 睡觉。
代入上式得：女人=猪+花钱。
移项得：女人-花钱=猪。
结论：女人不花钱的都是猪。

综上：男人为了让女人不变成猪而挣钱！女人为了让男人不变成猪而花钱！
男人+女人=两头猪

APARTMENT FOR RENT

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:"Dear Madam:Enclosed please find a cheque for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:#1 - it had never been occupied;#2 - there was plenty of heat; and#3 - it was small enough to make me feel costly and at home.However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:
"Dear Sir:First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.”

Happy Day...

◎酸言酸語--
夫：哇哩！妳買那麼貴的胸罩幹嘛？妳根本沒什麼胸部嘛！
妻：ㄛ～照你這麼說，那你買內褲的錢也都可以統統省下來啦。
夫：…………

◎親愛的 --
老王受邀到老李家中作客… 在老李家中，只見老李都以「親愛的」來稱呼老婆。
老王見狀很感動的對老李說： 「你真的是不容易耶！結婚快10年了，你還是這樣甜蜜的稱呼你太太…」
其實，」老李小聲的說： 「我忘記她名字很久了說…」

◎晚飯 --
老婆自從做家庭主婦後 精神鬱卒，脾氣很不爽 有一天老公下班回來 看見老婆在炒菜！
老公從後面摟著老婆 溫柔的說:親愛的！今晚我們吃什麼？
老婆很兇的說:甲賽啦！ 老公很洩氣得拿著報紙去坐馬桶.....
老婆心想:老公上班也辛苦，剛才的態度真不該！ 於是.... 就到浴室門口敲門 說:老公！你在做什麼呀！
老公語氣粉冷的說.. 我在做晚飯！
哈哈哈 ...........妙.............

◎罵人的藝術 -- 街上一個女生正在罵男朋友：「你這個單細胞生物、爛浮游綠藻、兩棲爬蟲類、尖嘴猴腮、最差勁的男人！」
男友回答：「難道我都沒有優點嗎？」
女友：「妳難道沒有發現，你一直在進化嗎？」
太強了 ...........學起來........

◎秤體重 --
妻子站在秤上高興地對丈夫說： "親愛的，快來看我體重少了兩公斤．"
"親愛的，那是因為妳還沒有化妝．"

◎安全帽 --
小白這天去換駕照，路經一個十字路口時，瞧見有位媽媽背著一個小孩，前面還載一個 大一點的小孩被條子攔下來…
條子說：「這位太太，你的小孩沒帶安全帽也就算了，你怎麼自已也不戴？這樣說不過 去哦。」
媽媽：「小朋友的這麼小買不到ㄇㄟ。」
條子：「但你自已應該要戴啊！」
媽媽：「我戴幹嘛？萬一我的孩子出了什麼事，我也不想活了！」
條子：「……　@_@　……」
媽媽 !太厲害了.....

◎最大坨的 --
一日，母親和她的胖女兒談話............
胖女兒：媽！你為什麼把我生得那麼胖，害我都沒有人追！我看，我乾脆下海算了！
母：你要下海？？？？那我看那些男人就要上岸了！
胖女兒：媽！你怎麼這麼說！！那.....我不要活了！我要自殺！我要把自己燒 成灰，讓你永遠認不出我來！！！
母：哈！！我怎麼可能認不出你。只要找最大坨的灰就是啦！
知女莫若母.......

Ha... Enjoy it.

A man and his wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here. In the Holy, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be burried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that risk."

SUCCESS - by Anthony Robbins

Something to ponder on for the day......

Success - "knowing the right people," "being in the right place at the right time," and using the right tools" - by Anthony RobbinsYour career is not everything; your life is. But then, what is life without a career or a career without a life?

1. You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you" or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.

2. Certain jobs fit certain people best. You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.

3. Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next. Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)

4. It's more important to be a "people person" than an "achievement-oriented person" who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.

5. What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!

6. If you lose your job, 80% of your marketing for a new position is already done. That's right. Your reputation, results, accomplishments, people skills, contributions, friendships are all a matter of record. If you've been a contributor, if you've been kind to others and easy-to-work-with, you'll be in better demand. If not, you won't. Nobody can create friendship for you if you haven't created it for yourself.

7. Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be. Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."

8. If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.

9. Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.

10. Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.

11. There's a special place for everyone. You can create the kind of future you want.

12. The workplace is fun and challenging. It can also be cruel and heartless. It rewards effort and planning, but tends to punish indifference and lack of preparation. Those who don't manage their careers, who just let things happen - often end up in painful, dead-end jobs and lifestyles.

13. You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.

14. It's never too late for a new beginning.

15. Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.

"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"

生活的重點

這才是生活的重點.............
五點下班華燈初上的下班時刻，你仍坐在辦公室，一邊吃著便當，一邊翻閱桌上堆積的資料，加班對你而言已是家常便飯。但你是否曾仔細估量加班真正的生產力有多少？企管專家認為，不管辦公室有多少工作，時間到了最好就離開，不僅如此，最好五點就下班。「怎麼可能？那麼事情更做不完」你心裡不以為然的想。先別急， 聽聽專家的理由是什麼。

a. 讓你更有效率：多數的辦公室工作十分繁瑣，沒有明確的開始與結束。正由於事情千頭萬 緒，你很容易這個做一點, 那個進行一半，結果沒有一件有結果，迫使你以加班來趕工，一方面也安慰自己的心理。但是，如果你的下班時間是五點，那麼你就得盤算一下，在一天有限的時數內，該先做那些事？少和同事聊天，多用點時間思考都好！一昧埋頭長時間工作而不思考，容易做虛工，而且會失去看事情的整體觀。

b.. 對你的上司有教育作用：不要過度擴大上司對你的期望；如果你常常讓上司看到你留下來加班，他會開始認為你很願意加班，久了就變成你應該加班。不要讓上司以工作時間的長短來評估你的表現。

c.. 對你的屬下有教育作用:讓你的屬下學著在有限的時間內，分配工作的優先次序。明確的表示你五點 就會離開，到時候他們應該完成的工作或報告，就應該交到你桌上。

d.. 迫使你釐清價值觀: 想清楚你生命中最重要的是家庭或是工作？當然不加班、不拼命工作，可能讓你失去許多表現機會，錯過加薪與升遷。但是你不會辛苦工作像條狗似的，到了四、五十歲，突然覺得愧對家人、愧對自己的生命。

e.. 讓你走在時代尖端: 企管顧問觀察到一個趨勢，這兩年愈來愈多的人認為，生命中比工作重要的東西還有許多；工作時間長的人不再被視為英雄，反而被看成不懂生命的人. 現在懂得拒絕長時間工作的人，將是未來的領導人物。

f.. 讓偶一為之的加班變得有趣: 常常加班，同事之間會生膩，合作的興奮感也全無。如果大家平常準時下班，碰到緊急狀況或工作時，大夥晚上一起留在辦公室；有人從外面提了便當計進來, 一邊吃飯、一邊討論，這時候很容易顯出團隊合作的革命情感。

g.. 讓你免於枯竭的惡性循環：你愈加班，愈覺得事情做不完；愈覺得事情做不完，工作就拖的愈長。這樣的惡性循環遲早會讓你崩潰。

h.. 讓你善用休閒時間：工作之餘的時間不應只是休息、睡覺，以便讓你第二天有精力繼續工作。何不培養些興趣？如果你五點下班，你可以有時間去學外語、去彈吉他、參加才藝活 動，這會讓你成為一個更活潑、更有能力、更有趣的人。

i.. 會讓你更健康：並不是抽空去打球、上健身房、跳韻律操才叫使身體健康，人的身體也需要其他 的方式來維持活力。比方說，好整以暇的喝杯茶、慢慢的品味一個甜美多汁的水蜜 桃、靜靜擁抱你喜愛的人等等。而這些都不是每週工作五、六十個小時的人所能做的。

j..讓你更懂得去愛：你是不是很久沒有和三、五好友一起說笑狂歡了？你是不是每天都和另一半、和孩子或父母匆匆打個照面？你是不是難得和所愛的人交換生活的心情？五點一到，放下你的工作，多接近那些對你很重要的人。以後他們記得的不是你的升遷、你的成就、而是和他們共處的時光。

摘自天下雜誌

Coca Cola

Coca Cola

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."